Today marks the due date of baby Stuemke that has never been met. 5 years ago today we should have been welcoming our first baby Stuemke. Although I am still saddened by the fact that my child is not here with me. I am comforted by God who holds my baby who is waiting for me to finish here on earth. The pain dulls with time, but the memories of love for someone I have never met strenghtens with time. God has allowed us to grow as a family, and I have learned just how precious children are to Him.
Today is a day I remember to pray for the other women who have lost a child. I pray it will not deter them from God, but bring them closer, that they will find another women who has gone though it.
Before my miscarriage and my 1 1/2 years of depression to follow, I had not known anyone else to lose a child. But I soon realized that it wasn't that it didn't happen, it was that women didn't speak of it. which meant they weren't able to console others who were suffering. I soon found out that of my three close friends, and a few family memebers have had one. I then decided that I wasn't going to dwell on this, but find out what God wanted me to do with these feelings of hurt and emptiness. Soon after that I was pregnant again. My little Girl was born that June beautiful and perfect.
I have realized that I am not to start a club or an organization, but to be open when I find a friend. Since the loss of our first baby, six of my friends have lost babies of thier own, some have lost two. I now know how to pray and love them in the propper way. And stay back until they are ready for any comfort.
My God is amazing and can use anything or anyone for His glory.
I will never forget my unknown baby, but instead we remember with angel food cake once a year. We don't sing or anything, just remember.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
9 months pregnant..
Today I am 36 weeks pregnant. Baby Isaiah has dropped this week, so maybe 2-3 weeks left. I am so ready to meet my little boy. He is taking up all room left in my toro and then some. :)
At the same time there is so much to be done. The men in my family work so hard and long hours, so anything I have needed help with for the bedrooms has been put on hold. Jared has had alot on his plate lately, like his job (thank God for providing the clients), his brothers leaving for basic at end of month. and me the crazy preggo lady at home plus he is taking ministry classes once a month. So any free time he has we just wanna play with Ariyah. Except now I am getting anxious and doing my best not to nag him...
Ariyah is getting her big girl room, and baby Isaiah is getting a baby room. plus we have to move our desk and junk upstairs so we can use the room downstairs for our toy room. No more running upstairs to find kids in the bathroom..
So tonight now that Ariyah is sleeping and Jared is gone at class, I am going upstairs to sand some drywall, trying to keep the process going.
At the same time there is so much to be done. The men in my family work so hard and long hours, so anything I have needed help with for the bedrooms has been put on hold. Jared has had alot on his plate lately, like his job (thank God for providing the clients), his brothers leaving for basic at end of month. and me the crazy preggo lady at home plus he is taking ministry classes once a month. So any free time he has we just wanna play with Ariyah. Except now I am getting anxious and doing my best not to nag him...
Ariyah is getting her big girl room, and baby Isaiah is getting a baby room. plus we have to move our desk and junk upstairs so we can use the room downstairs for our toy room. No more running upstairs to find kids in the bathroom..
So tonight now that Ariyah is sleeping and Jared is gone at class, I am going upstairs to sand some drywall, trying to keep the process going.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Summer of 2010
I have decided that life is crazy andto not plan on a slow week ever!! This summer not only did my little girl turn into a BIG three year old, but My mommy moved to Nevada while leaving my dad here (yes their marriage is fine).
We also found out that we are having a baby boy, which will be my parents first grandson. Ariyah is so exited!! Right now we are trying to explain the fact that she won't be able to give the baby bottles due to me breast feeding. So at church she runs up to a friend and says "my mommy is going to feed our baby with her boobies" REALLY loud. all I could do was laugh.
As a family we have been running non stop. Between jareds jobs and kids camps and family events, I am not sure how much time we were at home. Our Garden has produced wonderfully if you enjoy diggin through the weeds that are taller and stronger than you are. :)
And now Aug is over and i was planning on having a simple last month of being preggo, but my plans have been uprooted again. I took my dad to have a minor surgery, and we found out he has a tumor on his Ureter (tube between kidney and bladder). At first we were all freaking out, because they didn't have any more information than that. WE have now found out that the tumor is cancerous, but low grade. This means that they will be removing his left Kidney and the Ureter and a piece of his bladder. They don't think he will have to go through any Chemo. My bigest prayers are that my family will have more open hearts to God. Only God can reach them, and I pray he will. Now we are waiting for a date for surgery.
We also found out that we are having a baby boy, which will be my parents first grandson. Ariyah is so exited!! Right now we are trying to explain the fact that she won't be able to give the baby bottles due to me breast feeding. So at church she runs up to a friend and says "my mommy is going to feed our baby with her boobies" REALLY loud. all I could do was laugh.
As a family we have been running non stop. Between jareds jobs and kids camps and family events, I am not sure how much time we were at home. Our Garden has produced wonderfully if you enjoy diggin through the weeds that are taller and stronger than you are. :)
And now Aug is over and i was planning on having a simple last month of being preggo, but my plans have been uprooted again. I took my dad to have a minor surgery, and we found out he has a tumor on his Ureter (tube between kidney and bladder). At first we were all freaking out, because they didn't have any more information than that. WE have now found out that the tumor is cancerous, but low grade. This means that they will be removing his left Kidney and the Ureter and a piece of his bladder. They don't think he will have to go through any Chemo. My bigest prayers are that my family will have more open hearts to God. Only God can reach them, and I pray he will. Now we are waiting for a date for surgery.
Ariyah's third Birthday
Although i will have to post pics later, Ariyah had a great birthday. Or should I say Birthdays. She turned 3 on June 30th, but we had to celebrate early on Father's day weekend. That Saturday we had a party with my family and her cousins, and on Sunday we celebrated with Jared's family. So she got two cakes. One with Horses and the other a castle. Her cakes are part of her present from my cousin who owns a bakery in Benld, Otherwise she would get a box cake :)
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